We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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