Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
smell my finger.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
