But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
