Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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