After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
