Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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