its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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