Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize