he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
