For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
