Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize