Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
