Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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