Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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