is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
