I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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