i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
