I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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