i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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