when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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