ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
