I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
