last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
