FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
