No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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