guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
