your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
