guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
