Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
