I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
