marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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