So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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