It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
