No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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