so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My penis needs a shock collar
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
