I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
