Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
