Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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