he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
