I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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