Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
