my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
