im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
