I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
