OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
