Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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