And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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