who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
