This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
