We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
