btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
