I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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