Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
