I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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