two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
