I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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