so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
