she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
