Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
