Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
