if i can run in heels then i can drive
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize